You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
