forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
