its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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