Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
