I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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