My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
