Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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