Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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