I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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