What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
