You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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