i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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