We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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