So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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