he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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