hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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