I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
