i jhust puked up my retainher.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
