mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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