You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
