yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
