as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
