Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
