I can tuck mytits in my pants
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize