Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
