'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
