3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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