Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
