Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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