why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
