My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
