I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
is it fun? or sober?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
