I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
