Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
