I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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