i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
