I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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