He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
