She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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