Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my shit smells like andre
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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