Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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