my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
