we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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