its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it's like heaven, but drunker
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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