What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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