He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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