To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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