ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
