just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
