Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
whose parrot is this?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
