Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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