Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize