Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
handjob tips. give me some.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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