Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
