Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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