another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You were trust falling into bushes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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