She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you will always have a special place in my vag
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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