Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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