You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
