I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
