In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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