I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
